I live in paradise

I really do - or pretty close to it. From my patio I watch egrets, great blue heron, little blue heron, ducks and turtles and trees and sunset on the intracoastal waterway. I walk across the street to the Atlantic Ocean, sometimes early enough to catch the sunrise! It is always covered in gorgeous shells, starfish, warm warm water (compared to California).

Do why, right now, do I feel like crying? Why do I feel like that so often?

I think I feel a loss of purpose. I was SO busy for so many years raising five children, often while trying to run a business or work full time. I remember so often thinking what I wouldn't give for just an hour alone in the house. There was little chance of that, since the spacing of my children meant I had one or more children under five years old for eighteen years straight!

Now that youngest baby is the only one with me, and the others are all so far - I ache for the sense of being needed and of getting up in the morning with so much ahead to do.

Now I have this life of leisure - of walks and classes and lunches with the ladies, of happy hours and hot tubs. And it makes me feel like crying.

Wow - it's hard for me to be happy, I guess. I really expect NO sympathy...;-)